Haha. No, I’m not against socialism.
I just haven’t really been up to socializing this week.
I’m not exactly sure why. Perhaps it’s the cold I’m fighting? I don’t know. It’s just that sometimes here I feel exhausted. Exhausted by the constant flow of work and school and homework and going out. Every week the same. And every week fighting for sanity…it seems.
This week I was invited out to eat after class on Tuesday, and I declined. Then I was invited to go for Indian food on Wednesday, again, I declined. And tonight, my roommate invited me to go with her to J&J’s for the quiz. I declined. I just haven’t felt up for it this week. Maybe that will change.
I hope it does. I’ve been attempting to write emails to people, but I have absolutely nothing interesting to tell them. The most interesting thing going on in my life is a class I’m taking on Spanish culture.
Oh, and a new blog I’m (unhealthily) obsessed with.
It’s a blog written by a woman I used to work with. Her name is Penny and she is about my mom’s age. Penny was one of the few people in the marketing department at my old company that actually did a good job. She was great to work with. She was also very complimentary of me and my work. We had a good working relationship, but that was pretty much it. She wished me well as I went of to Spain and I think she was excited for me.
In November, her 25-year-old daughter (two months younger than I am) died instantly in a motorcycle accident. It was her only daughter and really the light of her life. Penny and her husband are both understandably crushed about their daughter’s death.
When I heard about it, I immediately emailed Penny to tell her how sorry I was. A few months went by.
Then, just this week, through some random Facebook-ness, I found Penny’s blog. She writes every day as though she is writing a letter to her daughter. I read it obsessively all the way back to before her daughter died. I, for some reason, find it fascinating…and heartbreaking…and incomprehensible. The same thing happened to me last Fall when, through a friend’s blog, I stumbled upon the blog of a mother whose four-month old son died in his sleep.
Do I have issues? I guess I just find these things so hard to understand, and the way people cope with them to be inspiring and somewhat, as I already said, incomprehensible. How do you face the fact that your beautiful, lively, only beloved daughter will never come home again? How do you move on when the son you were just getting to know is suddenly taken from you?
Sorry if this is depressing anyone. This is what’s been on my mind lately. (Perhaps the reason for my antisociality has been discovered?)
I still feel like there’s something more I need to do for Penny…but there is nothing I can do. Write her a note, I guess. I don’t know what to say.
Since I’m not religious, I’ve been thinking about any possible meanings behind these kinds of things, or if there’s ever any good that comes out of them. I don’t think there is. But I do think there’s something we all can do:
If stuff like this is destined to happen to people in life, then shouldn’t we always be kind to each other; in anticipation of something like this happening, or in case something like this HAS happened to someone and we just don’t know about it? Life is so hard for many people. I think the least we can do is treat the people we see in our day-to-day lives with as much kindness as we can muster. What’s that quote about how everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle?
I try to think about that sometimes when I get bitter about someone taking my seat on the Metro, or when people are pushing me around to get on and get off. I watch all the people on the Metro and wonder to myself about the struggles they are facing in their lives. And then I let them sit (sometimes), because maybe they had a worse day than I did.
It’s obviously so much easier said than done to be kind to everyone you meet (lucky for me I spend most of my day in a school, and it’s easy to remember to be kind to children.) I am probably one of the most judgemental people you will ever meet, and I can’t fake it when I don’t like someone. But even if there are things I don’t like about someone, can’t I still be kind to them?
I bet I can.
So there’s my inspirational thought of the week.
Also, I feel compelled to write a story/novel about a mother who has lost her child. The problem is, I can’t for the life of me think of a happy ending.