I sold my desk today, and now it is gone. A visual reminder that things are about to change. I don’t know why the desk being gone makes the changes seem more real than the deposit I put down, or the work I put into getting my visa, or the plane ticket I bought, but it does.
This week was also my last week of work in which I pretended like I would be there forever. On Tuesday I will give my notice. I have some mixed emotions about it.
On one hand, I’m really, really, really excited. They have mistreated me for a long time and I look forward to showing them that I don’t have to take it. This has been a long time coming. Every time I think about resigning, I get this sort of burning/butterfly feeling in my stomach. I think it’s excitement and nervousness mixed together.
On the other hand, I have some great memories of work. It’s hard to leave a place that you’ve spent the majority of your time for over a year. Also, I know I was pretty lucky to have the job that I did (er….still do). I learned a lot about the world of business, about what I’m good at, about trusting myself, and speaking my opinions. I truly found what I did to be really interesting at times. The majority of the problem I had, I think, was the timing, the culture, and the fact that I just don’t want to be in an office all day. I did have some great bosses and some great co-workers while I was there. And some bad ones. And some strange ones.
It’s hard to believe that I won’t continue to go to work day after day after day. It’s hard to believe that I will have to pass my projects on to someone else. I think it won’t even hit me until I’ve been gone for a few weeks, and I start to forget what throughput is or medical necessity screening criteria are.
I’ve had many times in my life where I’ve been in a transition phase that involves not working and living at my parents’ house. But it seems to be an even bigger transition this time since I am letting go of my salary and my benefits. I feel like I am too old for this, and should be responsible for myself.